The Beginning 

I was never interested in drugs, didn't see the need. I was a happy child, grew up with an amazing family, was very loved, had great friends, enjoyed school, liked work...I can't really define one particular moment when it all went wrong but it did...and boy did it go wrong!

In 1993 I tried speed for the first time. I liked how it made me feel and me and the people I did it with had the best night...so I did it again. After a little while I realised it wasn't something I wanted to carry on doing because I was 'losing time' and starting to feel and look crap so I stopped.  It wasnt difficult because my life was good and I wasn't hanging round with the same people.

In 1999 I met my husband (now ex husband). I was totally and utterly in love.  Before we met I was happily single, enjoying life, working, spending time with family and friends, having great holidays and I wasn't looking for a serious relationship...it just happened. We met at work and it moved really fast. Think we were together within 6 months. I was on holiday with friends and I got a call saying he had bought a flat and that's where we'd be living...I don't ever remember being asked. It started off great but I soon realised that he wasn't really who I thought he was. No part of my story is meant to put blame on anyone else and I'm not making any excuses for any of this but I'm telling the story from ny point of view and how I remember things...others may not see it the same.

Not long after we moved in he started developing a different social life to me...work all day, out all night, home at all hours of the (early) morning. Never knowing where he was and only imagining who he was with. He had people round the flat all the time, talking to me badly and acting like an idiot to humiliate me in front of his friends...it was horrid. I ended up never going out, withdrawing from my friends and hating life. He even started dragging my friends into this new life of his and soon I was the only person not involved. He had a few affairs that I knew about, probably more that I didn't, and eventually I left. I lived with a friend for a while and found out the extent of what was going on...that's a story for another time.  All I was 100% sure of was that he was out clubbing all the time with our friends and his lady friends! I was so so low and desperate for him to want me again. It started to get better and I went ahead with the wedding in 2002. What started as one of my happiest days ending up with my spending most of the evening crying while he got drunk and high and tried it on with my best friends...who thought it was funny and went along with it! Exactly 100 Days after the wedding I found him with another woman and I was totally broken. I left again and didn't see it getting better. We separated and a few months later he started asking me out on dates and trying to make it work.

In Spring 2023 we went to a house party. I hadn't really wanted to go because I knew everyone would be doing drugs and drinking but I wanted to make an effort in the hope we could make it work so I went. I don't remember much other than my so called friends saying "Go on...if you want your relationship to work you'll have to do the things he does so just try it..."

That was the day it all started going very very wrong.